A Pint of Plain is Your Only Man

From ‘At Swim-Two-Birds’ by Flann O’Brien

A Penguin Modern Classic first published in 1939 

When things go wrong and will not come right,
Though you do the best you can,
When life looks as black as the hour of night –
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When money’s tight and is hard to get
And your horse has also ran,
When all you have is a heap of debt –
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When health is bad and your heart feels strange
And  your face is pale and wan,
When doctors say that you need a change –
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When food is scarce and your larder bare
And no rashers grease your pan,
When hunger grows as your meals are rare –
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

In time of trouble and lousy strife,
You have still got the darlint plan,
You can still turn to a brighter life -
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.