Kingston & Surbiton Pub Review 2008

Recommended
Beer

Bossog, Billishears, Aaronducati – come back, all is forgiven.  A new group (sensibly no name) appearing down the Waggon; a young duet playing crusty music (Carpenters, TRex, old Bob Dylan etc.) and specialising in the piercing, wailing harmonica.   Just as good darts are naturally a function of skill and innate ability, poor darts are the result of bad luck or an adverse external environment.  Maybe it was the ‘music’ or possibly the ‘half-person in Surbiton’ tale, but there is no argument that John and I took a thoroughly deserved pasting from Brian, who clocked up 8-in-a-row and terminated the evening’s proceedings with 3-dart bull finish.  The duet gave a late rendering of ‘My old man’s a dustman’, possibly looking for a starring role in the 2012 Olympics Cockney opening ceremony – at least they avoided ‘Homeward Bound’ – ‘I’m sitting in a railway station,,,,,,,,,’! (KS) B-10, two 3-darters, one bull,  K1-3,  J-3

A surprisingly good turnout for August.  Some nasty tactics creeping into the arrers – a below-the-belt attack on your reporter’s sartorial inelegance (what’s wrong with shorts and black socks anyway?) led to an early lack of confidence, and an ESB-assisted recovery was ended abruptly by a surprise but welcome rare appearance of Gary.  The beer may be expensive but it does taste great and appears to do the business – a rather fuzzy remembrance of a quality evening of top darts and stimulating conversation. (KS) J-10, B-9, D-5, K1-4, K2-4

The night commences with a rapid three-darter from Dave and finishes with a rather sad three-darter (6: 3,1,x1) from yours truly – just one genuine worse three-darter to come (5: 1,2,x1) on the grounds that (4: 1,1,x1) is a fraud.  Excellent drinking ale, although the quaffing pace was unusually slow, with Dave and John going home early and probably still thirsty.  Yet again we were invited to join a darts team (the Swan transferred to the Kellys) by a guy who must have been wearing the beer goggles.  The Kellys recovers. (KS) K1-9, K2-6, J-5, D-4

A cycle through a deluge to ensure John wouldn’t be there on his own and he’s a no-show.  Due to the inclement weather in Cornwall, Dave was also half expected, but again no-show.  So, a keenly-contested three-way singles with the traditional tosh punctuated by purple patches and, unusually, some periods of conversation and quiet reflection.  Every cloud…..due to the credit crunch and general economic gloom, the proposed yuppiefication of the Spring has been postponed – game on! (KS) B-10, K1-9, K2-5, one 3-darter each

The Henman Fist-Pump and the even more irritating Murray biceps-flex – both proscribed darts celebrations, except during Wimbledon Fortnight or for exceptional events (eg 180).  Another excellent session down the Wych, making a flying start to both the singles and doubles darts leagues.  Dave continued his improved form from the Spring and, accompanied be a crescendo of pumping, flexing and general rabbit, established himself as the early joint leader of the new doubles league.  Your scribe was again rather unsteady on the way home – ESB? (KS) Singles: K1-4, B-2, D-1 Doubles: B-7, D-7, K1-6, K2-2

Spring Grove

Oh No!  Now the Waggon’s wheels are coming off!  A new doorway, a table with punters in front of the dartboard, a foody smell and a garden full of rubble.  Aarron Norton no longer a triumph, more of a Lambretta – so it’s time to scoot off to the Kellys.  If you wear a T-shirt sporting the word ‘Finisher’, the result is inevitable; of the 12 games played, B and K1 managed 1 apiece, Dave a quick brace, ‘the Finisher’ zero and John all 8 of the games he won!  Doom Bar is a great name for a beer; it also tastes good and appears relatively hangover free.  Doom Bar – an infamous sand bar at the mouth of the Camel Estuary in North Cornwall. (KS) J-9, K1-6, B-4, D-3, K2-2

Perhaps an over-enthusiastic return to decent beer; the guvnor says I ‘rolled in like a beer barrel’ at 12.30, and K2 was suffering earlier stability problems including a charge on to the oche whilst chalking and a very late decision to procure a bag of chips.  The evening included a challenge from ‘the quiet man’, who seemed pretty good at darts but of a nervous disposition.  After six pints and some raucous arrows, we all went home (I think!). (KS) K1-11, J-9, K2-8, D-6

An oasis in a Jurassic desert.  Pool, pinball, Pelfort Brun, Babyfoot and some ace old music videos.  Then the Pelfort Brun ran out……… (KS)

The traditional triple birthday celebration with guest appearances by Evan, Linda, Mike, Teri and Sally – sadly they were unable to demonstrate their darts prowess.  Back to the Ajanta who had decided that poisoning their regular clientele did not comprise a successful business plan; the curry was much better, but there is still room for improvement.  Amazingly, there were other young punters in the curry house – as part of the tradition they appear to have trashed the ladies loo – those were the days! (KS)

Trouble in publand – The Railway’s hit the buffers, the Sun no longer rises, the Swan’s sunk, the Ferret’s neutered, Brickies work half-time and Woodies is dart-free.  It’s a civic duty to save the Kellys; a pleasant duty to boot.  The darts are lit with a variable size treble 20, there’s music in the air, big screens have appeared and, amazingly, table football has resurrected.  What’s more the beer is excellent and does not appear to generate hangovers.  A top venue – get down there! (KS) K1-7, K2-7, D-6, B-6, J-6

Music down the Waggon far better than Bossog and Billishears; the performance of Aaron Norton was considered a Triumph! (Norton/Triumph motorcycle get the Joke?)  Once your brain adjusts, darts and loud music are complementary – you can get in the zone with fewer beers.  Some ace finishing by K2 was trumped by a surprise 180 from John, part of a team that had earlier modelled the new range of fashion dartswear by Colnago.  The Waggon’s definitely the venue for the 180s. (KS) K1-7, J-5, K2-5, B-4, D-3

Four star
1648 St George 4.5%, Alligator Ale 4.6%, Somerset & Dorset Ale 4.4%, Downton Nelson's Delight 4.5%, Hampshire Lionheart 4.5%, Hogs Back Traditional English Ale 4.2%, Hogs Back Hop Garden Gold 4.6%, Pilgrim Progress Best Bitter 4.7%

Three star
Ascot Posh Pooch 4.2%, Hampshire King Alfred's Bitter 3.8%, Hepworth Iron Horse 4.8%, Hop Back Odyssey Crop Circle 4.2%, Itchen Valley Winchester Ale 4.2%, Nelson Trafalgar Bitter 4.1%, Twickenham Spring Ale 4.3%, Wayland's Dark Knight 4.2%

Two star
Cottage Southern Bitter 3.7%, Hepworth Prospect Organic Ale 4.5%

One star
Ballards Midhurst Mild 3.5%

Sampled but Unclassified
Hop Back Odyssey Best Bitter 4%, Twickenham Naked Ladies 4.4%

A beer festival without a hangover; possibly as there wasn’t any 11% Brainstunner on offer.  A ‘swimmer’s beer’ also slowed the drinking speed – this ale left a subtle hint of Chlorine on the palate.  Not as good as a beer sampled later by John where the brewer had remarkably produced ‘a beer that tastes OK, but has a subtle nose of sick’ – nice!  Maybe it’s just me but I thought the highlight of the evening was when we finally managed to sit down.  This year’s T-shirt was very desirable. (KS)

The fish and chip birthday curry has a number of positive benefits; John gets to bed earlier, everybody feels better in the morning, and the atmosphere is more wholesome around Craven Cottage Block H5, Row U, Seat 100.  The darts were generally poor, although it was good to see Evan troubling the scorer again.  I logged on to the ‘Bobby George Cures Desperate Darts’ website where the first piece of advice was ‘Never attempt to play competitive darts on a full stomach; especially do not eat TWO dinners just before the bully-off!’  Hats off to Manny – clandestine cheese roll eating is not required. (KS)

Lazarus had better odds, so it was great to be back in the all-new smoke-free, decibel-free, photon-free Kellys.  Stevie Wonder would have enjoyed the dart board lighting, but form generally seemed unaffected with some excellent finishing from John and K2.  However, Dave took a while (2 hours) to trouble the scorer – the threat of Sue thinking he hadn’t actually gone to the Kellys encouraged 3 late triumphs.  Your reporter, soon to be a grandmaster, hangs his head in shame – no finishes in nearly 3 hours; the mince pies could be blamed, but the dart board illumination seemed to improve with beer consumption; beer is the new carrots!  Bring on the table football. (KS) K2-10, J-10, B-8, C-5, D-3 K1-2

Following pre-season training camps in the Lake District, Italy, Egypt and Australia the eagerly-awaited darts league finally got under way.  John’s long haul for warm weather training down under paid dividends with an early double; he never looked back and went on to claim the all-important early championship lead.  The Spring was excellent as usual and we got to hear of some surprising but promising news re the Kellys. (KS) (J-10, K1-9, K2-5, B-5, D-3)

Brookside Inn, Windermere                                

They say everything is going downhill; however, there are a small number of improvements to be celebrated.  For many years, when everyone had a day off on ‘Good’ Friday and could use a good drink, the pubs would shut early at 10.30.  Now, the Waggon stayed open till midnight and we took full advantage with a competitive singles match and a few games of tactics with Sheila guesting.  At least three very close calls (Brian) for 100+ finishes, but they just won’t come – your reporter, undefeated at the Hatter, took over an hour to register a solitary game.  So it’s on to the climax of the dart leagues next Friday….when everyone is away!!  The Lord Mayor’s show is cancelled! (KS) (B-7, K2-6, K1-1)

Where was John for the Mad Hatter’s beer party?  After losing the Head last week it was fairly desperate to find that the Prince was also off limits for darts, as their pub team now seems to practice on Fridays.  However, good things often spring from adversity; after some clandestine reconnaissance we risked a transfer to the Hatter of ill-repute.  It was really pretty good; live music far better than Bossog or Billishears, a rather battered but functional dartboard, an electronic scoreboard, potable Pride and a friendly atmosphere.  The very large dog bowl predicated the arrival of a large aggressive dog, and ‘Tyson’ duly appeared, although his smell was worse than his bite.  Possibly difficult conditions for top arrers, but that’s the name of the game.  The Raj, though lacking punters, was a great improvement on the Agra – could be the Rajagrajanta soon! (KS) K1-9, D-3, B-3, K2-3

The Head was a great new venue: good beer, good atmosphere and a guaranteed game of darts, unless some idiot introduces a pool table – so it’s farewell to the Head!  You can always trust the old favourites to come to the rescue; the Wych was fine as usual, although there is a worrying trend not to take full advantage of the extended licensing hours; you feel better in the morning but …..well somehow, it just doesn’t seem right! (KS) K1-10, B-9, K2-8, D-3

‘Goodbye Ruby Friday’ – requiem for the Friday night post-beer curry.  Remember those nights when you were uncertain of securing a table at 11 pm, or crowds in Gunga Dins, for the outlay of a tenner, enjoying an extra hour’s drinking, a burnt tongue and some mildly antisocial behaviour – all a thing of the past.  The traditional post-beer curry has been killed off by a combination of extended drinking hours, a smoking ban, nosh of dubious quality and Jamie Oliver.  For K2’s curry we were untroubled by other punters in the Agra, although the five waiters made a nuisance of themselves; meanwhile the Ajanta had closed early.  Could be the Agrajanta soon.  We laid down the darts challenge in the Prince and the challenge was gratefully accepted; then we declined to step up to the oche.  Well, it could have been construed as rather rude to leave our guests Mike and Teri to talk amongst themselves.  Next time I suggest we forget the curry, get a decent round of crisps and nuts, and stay in the pub. (KS)

The Spring is my tops at present – good beer and good ambience that encourages some reasonable quality darts, although these often go unrewarded; for a short while everybody was playing well, even though Dave took over an hour to get a loudly- celebrated treble 20 and K1 went an hour-and-a-half between finishing doubles.  Come on chaps! - We need some Bull finishes, 100+ finishes or 180s – there are too many near misses.  The evening’s highlight? – Dave’s double 1, double 19 finish in preference to the traditional double top.  Meanwhile JR slipped to a final 8^th finish in Australia following a disappointing Saturday performance – Friday night on the tinnies, maybe? (KS) B-16, K1-10, D-9, K2-5

Another successful evening in the ‘Head’ – good beer, good atmosphere and a reasonable darts location, just lacking a bigger chalk board.  There was a possibility of a 4-way 14-all result but the match ended rather abruptly as the pub appeared to be closing.  Not over-enamored with the bull finish dropout or the 99 finish; there were also a few worthy 180 attempts.  K2 heroically managed a whole evening without alcohol on the grounds that the beer/antibiotic combination could lead to sickness; I thought beer could do that on its own! (KS) K1-14, B-14, D-12, K1-12

The Spring is certainly the dog’s when you occupy the table; after over 30 years of drinking there, it is undoubtedly a home game.  Drinking the Bombardier dry again even meant no hangover.  A 3-hour, 6-pint, 27-game proper Friday night session.  Memorably, Dave finished champion following some excellent finishing, an 8-game winning streak, a hat-trick of finishes, and 10 winning games between chalks; he even overcame some hostile barracking – will normal service be resumed next week? (KS) D-15, K1-14, K2-9, J-9, B-7

DDT, PCB, LSD, EPO, now ESB added to the list of proscribed substances; Fuller’s Extra Special Beer (ESB) is more than just a breakfast drink – it’s a serious performance-enhancing substance.  K2 started the inaugural singles championship in sparkling form, specialising in top 3 dart finishes (80, 93, and others); K1 and Dave were looking at a serious drubbing.  Then K2 failed to partake of the essential mid-sessional ESB and his arrows descended into general mediocrity.  He did recover to win a late game of tactics that seemed to go on for hours.  ESB Rules, OK! (KS) K1-10, K2-8, D-6

Watching darts on TV every evening is probably quite reasonable grounds for being divorced; as compensation, after careful observation, adopting the Wizard’s stance, Pecker’s grip, Wolfie’s release and the Count’s sporting behaviour, one would hope to see a spectacular improvement in the quality of one’s arrows – unfortunately not!  K2, who strangely hadn’t been watching darts, nailed an early surprise 180 and then teamed up with John, another avid non-watcher who had just spent hours on Clandon station, and won seven games on the trot to extend his early championship lead.  It was good to take advantage of the extended opening hours with a few games of tactics, an extra beer, and a 12.20 finish. (KS) K2-10, J-9, D-8, B-7 K1-4

A new year and a new pub in North Kingston! – there is a sign outside the Head that advertises ‘real ale’ and ‘darts’ and, Ronseal-like, that’s exactly what you get.  The beer was excellent and the dartboard serviceable, although there were some early player circulation problems, later rectified by sufficient beer.  K2 had shown brilliant late form last week with a glut of bulls in a tactics challenge; he continued the form this week with some dubious scoring but devastating ‘doubles for dough’ to become the early leader in the new slimmed down championship.  Pressure on the Surbiton boys to unearth a new pub? (KS) K2-12, B-11, J-11, K1-8, D-4